My 1st Cross Country Race
By Cameron Winton Age 56 ½
So, they say running is good for mental health but what if you finish last? Don’t worry, there is hope.
A good number of the GFR crowd will know me and know that I don’t hold back on entering races despite being fairly average with the ability of an ageing Sponge Bob Squarepants.
I have my own goals and happy doing a 10k without a thought of a position. Even if I am a bit slower than expected, give it 10/15 min of post race recovery, endorphins kicking in and sense of fulfillment to have me saying “that was good. Totally up for entering next year!”
It is familiar territory to many of us in the LGBTQIA+ community in that I have a number of mental health struggles. The support and camaraderie of GFR is a major factor in coping. However there are limits to this and the fear of failure is significant barrier to running races for everyone let alone those with low self esteem etc.
Also, a fairly common experience, school cross country was torture. Think of a forced march across frozen wastelands. Although, I started Parkrun at Ayr’s Rozelle Park and is a pleasure to do it even though it uses the same paths!
The shame of being at the back, feeling miserable, and getting bullied for it sticks with you for a long time.
Jump forward a gazillion years and there were the beginnings of GFR doing cross country last winter. This caught my interest despite the bad memories and it involving the top athletes spending the winter running round muddy fields and paths.
A bit daunting? Full of trepidation? You bet. However, the big brave girl pants were pulled on and entered with the club for the West District Championships at Kilmarnock.
It helped that I knew where the course was. Also, started to find out that a fair few of the Glasgow southside running scene do cross country and were not super duper fast athletics types. Maybe it wont be that bad after all.
Prep consisted of buying proper running spikes and thinking about a few practice runs. That never happened so I was all the gear and no idea. Hindsight showed they were £50 well spent.
On the day we arrived to quite a scene. Lots of activity and a buzzing village of gazebos in running club colours. It dawned on us that a gazebo is essential for outdoor sport in a Scottish winter.
The youth runners were already out on the course racing and, despite some rather intense race faces on the young ones, it didn’t look too bad. Then the women’s race went out. A few friends and of course the GFR entrants doing well.
The excitement, nerves and anxiety all start building so the spikes go on for the first time and off for a warm up jog. Got the hang of them even if it is a bit of an alien technique (on the balls of the feet).
So to the mens race. (although entered Non-binary). The nerves are jangling and find a reasonable start spot to wait for the start, jiggling and fidgeting away.
BANG! A real start gun. Off we go. Cameron does what they always do. Off like a scalded cat running like it was a 1500m track race. I know myself and do expect to get passed by runners I have no right to be in front of. Yep, this happens but more and more go by. And less and less were behind. Eek. Then only 3 behind as we go into a complex and tough part of the course. Came out of there struggling and all wrapped up in the effort. Am I last? Yes I am!
But this was beyond the point of no return. Plugged on and, getting way more tired than road running, the end of the 1st lap approaches. Luckily enough awareness was present to step aside on a narrow section to let 3rd place through on their last lap. They gave nod of appreciation.
Lap 1 ended past the gazebo village and drew cheers of support from spectators including the usual hi-energy from Team GFR.
The 2nd and last lap was lonely. I really did feel quite left behind. But kept going with the marshals giving encouragement before they packed up the course.
Back towards the finish and, even though I was tail end Charlie, there was lots of cheering for push to the finish. Across the line and it was over.
Oh my Goodness. I was last! Despite my own need to do better, I did walk back to our group without shame. The same feelings as after other races kick in and ready to do it again.
It seems that, in the running scene, there is no honour lost in finishing last. The effort put in is appreciated and is probably feels same as that expended by faster people. Participation is validity enough. Post race, sharing my finish position in a message, a non-GFR running friend came back with “Lantern Rouge.” Look it up. It’s a Tour De France thing.
Although a bit scary, running at club athletics competitions, no matter how fast you are, makes you feel like a “real” runner. (We are all real runners). Little snobbery is around and, at a subsequent 10k, had a chat as an equal with the person who went on to win for the 3rd time in a row with a 30-31 minute time.
LGBTQIA+ inclusion and acceptance will probably be a forever battle but don’t worry about the running scene. All are accepted even at the most basic level……..being last.